I am from a family of athletes. We are Irish Catholic, competitive and focused. Focused beyond belief when necessary. And this has come in handy over the years in various family competitions, in sports and our careers too. With the exception of the Irish Twin (who is an incredibly gifted athlete) the rest of us had to work at it; we don't have that "athlete's touch" that he is blessed with. Dear Old Dad used to tell us that we would have to work harder and smarter than most in order to do well. And well we did. Three of us were NCAA athletes at times and the other three played intramural and club sports during their post high school and college years - I have to admit they were the better students for sure. Now the next generation has continued the love of sports and competition in college - in soccer and rugby.
My chosen sport was swimming. I loved everything about it. The quiet before the early thirty morning workouts. Smoothly cutting strokes through the water. Doing my homework and solving the world's problems in my head, all while working out. Pushing myself through not only workouts but months of workouts - all building to the every important qualifying meets at the end of the AAU season and then swimming in the high school league for fun. (Although that was awfully competitive too.) I wasn't the star but the reliable leg on the winning relay teams, always in the hunt for 1rst or 2nd in a variety of individual events too. My college coach described me as "versatile". (Still deciding if that was a compliment or not.) I swam with world record holders and Olympians as well as childhood friends. My AAU team trained with another team that is well known to this day for producing a number of Olympians and one particular swimmer who held a number of world records. Those girls all swam for a non-league high school rival who my team competed against on one particular day. Which fell right after short course nationals and everyone was in peak form. My race - the 200 free was against a girl who set the national short course record two weeks earlier. At that time she held 3 world records. Yes - I came in second as she shattered the US High School Girls record that day. I swam the race of my life and a personal best. Which was a victory for me since I only saw bubbles in her lane at the end of the race. That was the day I really learned it was all about competing against myself. Keeping my head in the race, swimming as well as I could and achieving personal bests.
Fast forward a number of 'cough cough' years and I've learned that I tap into that Athlete's Mindset frequently. At work, at home and in play. The one thing about athletes, or anyone in their career or at home - is that in addition to talent - success is really all about training. In athletics it can seem really daunting looking at the important game, tournament or meet at the end of the season so many months away. What you learn is that you don't measure yourself against that one point in time but rather against milestones along the way. Building muscle, refining skill, breaking the season into increments. Having fun along the way. Enjoying time with your teammates while staying focused on what you need to do. Looking back I realize I never appreciated all of the benefits of this that I still reap to this day. Until now.
I've spent so much time with doctors, nurses and needles in the last three months that I now define certain days as a Can-Sa free day. Can-Sa free days are days without appointments or any after affects of treatments. They are infrequent but do exist. Bouncing from surgery to minor surgery and chemotherapy, then radiation, in quick succession can take a toll. But I am lucky. Because I have an Athlete's Mindset. Instead of looking at the whole scope of this journey I decided to do this in increments. I have months of treatments ahead between chemotherapy and radiation. Which at first was really overwhelming. Until I realized I can handle it. Because I was once an athlete. Surgery - check. Plan of attack - check. Minor Surgery - check. First chemo - check. So far so good.
Now I only look ahead to the next treatment and look no further. After the treatment when I feel awful I tell myself I can do this because according to a wise friend of mine - its the medicine not the Can-Sa. In case no one ever shared this with you - the main thing post chemo (in addition to nausea) is body pain. It can be incredible. Pain medication might take the edge off but it is still there. I tell myself I can handle it because I used to swim 20,000 meters a day at times. I know how to distract myself from pain and remind myself that it is only temporary. I've never had a baby but I was speaking with one of my Can-Sa Buddies and she said she tells herself the same things. She compares it to a long labor until you hold that baby. It is all about the end result.
I shared my mental plan of attack with the Fabulous Support System. We will deal with this in increments and focus on the positive end result. No more conversations about the long months of treatment ahead or how long it has been since the journey started. No conversations about anything negative they have ever heard about any of this. I tell them we are only going to work with positivity and good information here while acknowledging this is now a part of our lives for now. They quickly agree and adapt. I also let them know I need Can-Sa free days and they like this idea too. Can-Sa talk is now just a part of our normal conversations about family, the weather and weekend plans. We don't look at the whole breadth of it - just what is coming up or what just happened. I am a lucky lady.
Two of my girlfriends have set up an alternating lunch date schedule to keep me busy and make sure I have those Can-Sa free times. We share girl talk, talk about the families and Significant Others aka the Men. Sometimes we talk about making plans for a post treatment vacation somewhere different to celebrate some milestone birthdays and my achievements of this year. Other friends keep us stocked in food - mostly for the SO. The work Can-Sa Buddy and I talk and laugh while comparing notes about our experiences. Last night's conversation was about the kindness we are experiencing on this journey. I shared with her my Athlete's Mindset and she agreed that is the best way to tackle this. The Work Chicks check in on me and send things to keep me occupied or drop by for a little gossip. The BFF has her hands full with a number of things these days. We provide distraction for each other and on occasion - heartfelt conversations too about our fears and challenges. Mostly we laugh in the end though. The five Bros check in on me and I can tell - compare notes about how they think the SO and I are doing. They inquire after The Brown Dog and The Black Dog aka my Constant Companions. We talk about an upcoming family trip that is planned for July and look at different things to do while we are together.
When my doctors and I talk about what is going on and what will go on they probe gently to see how I am doing emotionally. The other day the Superstar Doctor and I were talking and he asked if I felt overwhelmed. I told him I initially did but that I was once an athlete. After he stopped laughing while looking at my current non-athletic self he listened carefully. I shared with him that I've decided that for me to succeed, I was going to look at this as training my way to Thriving. Because I was going to apply an Athlete's Mindset. And win.
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