As the only daughter in a family of six kids I had many roles assigned to me. I was a princess who danced on her father's feet and was taken to fundraising fashion shows by her mother. I played point guard in basketball and short fielder in softball for the brothers. I was also assigned the role of a defender in an ongoing in-house soccer shootout (sorry Mom) that took place in various family rooms and homes all over the country. And finally, co-conspirator and house cleaner after food fights. I never took out the garbage until I went to college and my husband still points to my deficiencies in this area.
My mother is an Irish American Princess which meant as a child I never learned how to sew. I picked up my cooking skills courtesy of our Italian neighbors, friends' mothers and now, girlfriends or the Food Network. (Who knew that as an adult I would love to cook as a form of relaxation?) Mom was just too busy playing referee, driver, AF wife and bridge. There wasn't a lot of discussion about what I would do or be when I grew up but whatever it was, I was expected to do well.
Mom worked for GE in the "business systems area" right after she graduated from college with a degree in Applied Mathematics. She was there for two years, waiting for Dad to graduate from Annapolis and planning their wedding for that same summer. Naturally she expected that I would follow her path and timeline. She put her career on hold and didn't work again for several years at which time she worked preparing taxes and in accounting, part-time. (She continues to do so to this day.) So when I started working in commercial finance and shocked everyone with my career aspirations she was encouraging but this wasn't exactly in her plans for me. What she realizes now is she and Dad created choices for me which weren't available to her for the most part.
The other night I went to a Girls Night Out to watch our local Triple A baseball team play. We had a box, courtesy of a work friend's law firm. She also invited other attorneys and local businesswomen for a night of networking and chitchat. I have to admit, I had to motivate myself to get there. It had been a long day on top of what was shaping up to be a long week. And I only knew two of the attendees and wasn't in a schmoozy mood.
When I got there I was greeted by the cutest 6 year old. My friend S was there and asked our hostess if she could bring her daughter. The little one is the oldest of 3 and has 2 younger brothers. Her mom has been working late on a case most nights and hadn't been home to tuck in her children before they went to bed. I asked her daughter if she was excited to watch the baseball game and her response? "...I am excited for time away from those boys!!!" She just killed me. I told her I grew up with brothers too and I know how sometimes a girl just needs to be a girl. We talked about whether or not to play sports, if she would be a lawyer like her mom, why couldn't she play professional baseball like the guys we were watching and what color of cotton candy would be good to eat.
The other guests arrived and the discussion was minimal around work; The talk was focused on vacations, family and managing our time. We talked about what we all do to relax. This group of women, despite common careers - had very different upbringings and family lives. Some were married with children, others never married or were divorced. I learned so much that night that I would never normally know about these women. It was a night of sharing our personal lives and dreams.
One attorney lives by herself on a ranch purchased post-divorce and according to her it was "Eat, Pray, Love" without the travel or men. Eat whatever she has on hand or starve. Pray that she can learn how to repair fences and bail hay or hire the right help. Love her neighbors who help out with everything as she learns the ropes. Another spends her vacations with her family touring minor league ballparks all over the US (I don't get it.) S and her family camp whenever they can. Our hostess takes trips that are spontaneous; usually going solo because she is the easiest person she knows to travel with. One lady is training for RagBrie, a bike race across Iowa. Who knew?
What was intriguing to me that night was the choices they all made in their lives and continue to make. The doors that were opened to them and the doors they are opening for their children. I look at Mom and her friends and wonder what they would have done with their lives in this age. They could have raised families or pursued careers or both. They might have taken a journey like that of the movie Eat, Pray, Love or maybe they would have created their own version of that journey like my attorney oops - rancher - friend. Me? I have been able to pursue a career, learn how to cook, marry a great guy who luckily for me takes out the trash and travel quite a bit. So maybe it was good for me that growing up there wasn't a lot of talk about what I would do or be when I grew up. What I thought was a lack of interest was probably the most interesting thing Mom did for me. So now I am able to eat, pray and love - thanks to the life she encouraged me to live.
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