Let's Do This! Just Thriving.

I just finished chemo Round #2 which I dubbed "Let's Do This!" If I turned the clock back to last August I never would've imagined that I'd be focused on Thriving despite a history of Can-Sa. That work would be on the backburner and yes, that I would miss it. That my life would revolve around doctors appointments, labwork, chemotherapy treatments, recovering from chemotherapy treatments and downtime getting ready for the next go-round. But this is only temporary and I know it is just one chapter in my very very long life.

People have commented on my attitude, my appearance, asked questions about "how I got it" and look at me with great sorrow when they see me. I've been told I need to take this seriously and it's been suggested to me that I take on the attitude of a Survivor "in treatment" (whatever that is). The problem is that none of this is me; either Before Can-Sa, now, nor After Can-Sa. If you've read prior posts you'll see a common thread about me and those people who raised me. We are positive people. There aren't any alternatives for us. We see the best in people and look for the best in all situations. It is the only way for the bros and me which has been great for me on this Can-Sa journey.

The quick answers to alot of the questions I get include yes I am taking this seriously. How couldn't I? Other answers? 1) They have no idea what causes this particular cancer. Only 4000 women will be diagnosed with this kind this year. The type of cancer I had (yes, I still say had) can be genetically linked to other cancers including potentially the type of brain cancer my father had. No link has been found, yet, to my mother's breast cancer but not much research has been completed on this. 2) I think my appearance is due to my spending more time putting make up on than I normally would and getting so much rest. Combined with drinking tons and tons of water. Like many cancer patients - I am expending a lot of energy to make sure I don't look sick. Because I am not. It's the medicine doing its magic, not the Can-Sa that is causing these physical changes. 3) While the empathy is appreciated the sorrowful looks can be too much at times. Despite my blogging - I just want to feel normal, talk about normal things and act normally. Yes, my new norm includes cancer but that is just one facet of my life. I still have the Bonuses, the Dogs, the SO, the opinions on politics and Real Housewives, and most important - an interest in what is going on with my friends and family. So let's focus on all of those things. 4) I am just a positive person. Period. I find myself garnering my energy more carefully these days; surrounding myself with positivity, normalcy (as much as possible) and getting my zen on. It works. The Can-Sa Buddy and now the Can-Sa Clique are a huge part of this. Our conversations are very open and somewhat direct. We know each other on an intimate level that honestly, no one else can get to know us on. It amazes me how the SO has adapted to these women who are strangers to him but know so much about him and me and us. We speak a language and share some bizarre experiences that can't be described to someone no matter how empathatic that listener is.

For me, the chemotherapy treatments are a special day. I know it sounds strange but truly they are. My first day I have to admit, I was a little watery as I walked in the room but it changed quickly. I see so many acts of kindness during my day there; the nurses who run the room greet everyone with hugs and jokes. They are caring and passionate about their jobs. You feel that this is a higher calling for them. They have worked together running this room for over 10 years. The room consists of 15 barcaloungers with IV poles and TV sets for each chair. There are snacks and drinks on hand plus a volunteer comes through every hour or so with juices, coffee, hot chocolate and cookies. The energy in the room is actually a combination of zen (love that word lately thanks to the BFF) and vibrant. It's very peaceful and upbeat due to everyone who is there. I am getting to know some of the other people who are on my schedule although most of them are in there for half the time I am. We greet each other, ask about our families and how we are feeling. The four doctors who oversee the practice greet everyone by name; whether you are their particular patient or not. Everyone trades tips on managing the sideffects of the chemo and shares food, magazines and book ideas. It is a community.

I am usually the first patient in and the last one to leave so they make sure I am set up comfortably and in a place where visitors can easily pull up a chair or sit in an adjacent lounge chair. Unless the room is really busy. Lucky me again, they rarely have anyone in there for longer than 5 hours; my stays will average 8+ it turns out. My mom aka That Woman joined me for Round #2. Within an hour she was reclining and reading, had a heated blanket over her (they keep the room very cool), a plate of cookies and a cup of coffee plus the option of a massage and communion both of which she declined. (Apparently she isn't a big believer in communion outside of Mass, but then again she goes to daily Mass.) I shared her Triple Negative and Thriving for 7 years history with the nurses who in turn shared it with a recently diagnosed Triple Negative who was there. We all just want to meet someone who has, or had, what we have - which I blogged about before. I am still looking for that someone.

I decided to put a theme to each treatment. Round #1 - Bring It On! Round #2 - Let's Do This! Round #3 - I Own This! and beyond - TBD. I shared this with my doctor in one of our conversations and he didn't laugh! He encourages my approach to this and shares it with the nurses. He is in and out of the chemo room all day. His goal, and the goal of this room and for people like me is to attain remission. To be Can-Sa free for as long as possible if not a lifetime. It was a blow the first time I heard this applied to me but now I get it and I am okay with it. The nurses and I were talking about my treatments the other week and I told them my goal is Can-Sa Free and Thriving. They loved it. No talk of remission, no talk of surviving. Just Thriving.