On Fathers Day and Father Figures

I was woken up this morning at five by two anxious dogs ready to get out for their morning walk. We moved from Park City back to the Los Angeles area and while this required some adjustment by the SO and me to a new job, traffic, city noises and all of the food delivery options the two fur companions really had to make adjustments. Walking on leashes - all of the time. No backyard to wander around in and hunt moose, elk or potguts in. Seeing other dogs being walked in outfits that match their human companions. Okay, I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing that much less our dogs. We are back in the real world and no longer on our extended vacation in the Wasatch Mountains. So the dogs needed their walk, I needed some exercise and the SO needed to sleep in. After all, it was Fathers Day.

The pups and I took off; leashes on and baggies in hand. During our walk I got to thinking. The SO and his siblings were raised by his mom; who some would argue was a great father as well as a great mother. She did an amazing job and still does one to this day. I had a different upbringing with two parents under the same roof with more traditional roles. Dad aka DoD (self named as Dear old Dad aka the Colonel) was a military man; highly disciplined, loved his country and believed anyone could do anything if they set their minds to it. Mom was, and is, very similar. Her main interest is life. She thinks it should be well lived and well laughed. They both shared an incredible sense of humor which I think my siblings and I inherited.

As a military family we moved around; not as much as some military families but more than most kids. Dad's career in electronic warfare had him traveling quite a bit and working long hours so he wasn't always there for every milestone event in our lives. But we were lucky; we had other men in our lives who stepped in.

Uncle DB lived in Albany NY. He is a retired educator and administrator who has a cult following all over the Northeast and the US for that matter. This elite group consists of my cousins, brothers and me along with our families. Now Uncle DB is not a blood relative nor married into the family. But don't tell any of us he wasn't our true Uncle. He was a father figure who made it to our First Communions, confirmations, graduations and weddings. He, along with Aunt M and Uncle J (both blood relatives not related to each other at all) joined us for holidays or to settle into a new house. Since DoD couldn't do it; Uncle DB had to give the final stamp of approval on the SO. He has always been there for us; no matter where we lived. All over the country... He had no children of his own but is an important father figure to all of us.

Uncle S is another father figure to my brothers and me. He was one of my Father's closest friends having started their newlywed lives and military careers together. We probably spent more time with him and his family than we did our "blood" relatives because they always seemed to live near us over the years and all across the U.S. Dod and Uncle S experienced fatherhood with each other and shared many laughs and undoubtedly a few tears as all of us kids grew up. Now Uncle S is not our Uncle in the genetic sense; he is our faux uncle, his kids are my faux cousins and Aunt G - she was our amazing faux aunt. Which brings us to BZ; Aunt G's husband after Uncle S who also became a guiding light to the 4 of us younger kids. For me, he taught me about watershed, wildlife and the importance of river reclamation projects. But that is a whole other story for another time.

And as an adult whose parents didn't live nearby my Jewish father stepped in with advice and guidance when needed. He took a quiet interest in all that was going on with me and actually - all of the Touchstones. He stays current in what is going on in our lives and was one of the first to screen the SO and put his stamp of approval on him. Now the Jewish Mother typically gets all of the press from us; even after she has been gone all of these years. But the Jewish Father is another father figure and so important to me even as I write this.

The SO was lucky enough to have friends' fathers who were good role models. They coached him in sports, helped him with scouting projects and in one case - made him go to Mass. Now he wasn't raised as a Catholic but this influence always remained with him even as an adult who eventually converted to Catholicism. All of this prepared the SO for instant fatherhood and an instant family of 3 young children which was added to one more time by his youngest daughter. I love just observing this blended family of which I am lucky to be a part. They all share his mannerisms, his sense of humor and each one has a unique piece of his heart. He is their DoD and time spent with them brings him peace and joy. As it does for me.

We lost a young father in our family this year and I want to give his children and wife hope, leave them with some thoughts. Their dad will be missed but his influence won't be lost and he won't be forgotten. They have Uncles, faux Uncles and Grandfathers who will step in and help create more memories. On this Fathers Day I have to thank all of these important men who fill the gaps where they can. Unasked and sometimes unacknowledged. But always loved.