A Letter to My Niece: Why I Say the Pledge of Allegiance and Honor Our Flag

I am so lucky. I got to spend the last 10 or so days in Southern California, mostly with my family and adding in some Touchstone Time at the end of the trip. It was the first solo road trip I have taken in many years. Usually the S.O. and I fly somewhere for vacation or maybe road trip together depending on how long we have. But I was feeling the need for the open road and had some family matters to attend to so off I went. I was looking forward to spending some time with my brother and his family; minus the Niece Who Is Away At College. There is still one Niece (A) at home and her brother (let's call him Boy.) Plus my mom, brother aka the Irish Twin and his wife, who is like a sister to me. I always stay at the Irish Twin's house because I like the time with all of them plus the fur niece and admittedly it is still hard for me to stay at Mom's house without Dad being there. Even though it has been many years.

Dad embodied the American success story. Well, at least he did for my siblings and me. He grew up in upstate NY, the son of tenant chicken farmers. My grandparents moved upstate when Dad was young; after my grandfather took an early retirement from the NYPD due to a gunshot wound. They raised my father, his sister and brother on various egg farms and instilled a love of reading and learning in all three of them. They all went to college with Dad leaving the area and going to the Naval Academy. He joined the Air Force upon graduation and when he started his second career in the private sector we moved to California for the last time. Dad had a strong sense of patriotism and love for our country. He believed anything was possible and respected people with different views. He always pointed out that differing views make our country what it was and is, a country with free speech and free pursuit of religion (or not as the case may be), a country that promotes the idea of freedom.

So this brings me to what is compelling me to write this. In spending time with A and the Boy I learned that schools are really struggling with accommodating divergent views. Particularly around the Pledge of Allegiance and our Flag. And I am bothered. Really bothered. I am bothered because I respect the right of those who don't agree with saying God while reciting the Pledge to not say God or to not say the Pledge at all. That is fine and that's their choice. As it is my choice to say our Pledge and to include recitations around God when saying it. To those who don't agree - I respect you and your choices, you respect me and mine. We can peacefully coexist and not be offended by each others beliefs or choices. But don't ask me to give up my rights to accommodate yours. And if that means you can't acknowledge the Flag and have to turn your back to it, well - while I don't understand that I respect your right to do this.

So in talking about this A asked me what this means and why is it such a big deal to me? She wasn't challenging my views, just trying to understand them. I remember being her age and having similar discussions with my parents. I know they are important conversations and they require thoughtful, honest responses. So here is my response, in the form of a letter.

Dear A,

I say the entire Pledge of Allegiance because first and foremost I am very patriotic. I freely Pledge Allegiance to our Flag and our country because I am grateful. I am grateful to the founding fathers and all of those who fought to create a nation that embraced differences for the greater good. For unity and freedom. For our rights. For representation at all levels of our government.

I embrace our Flag and what it symbolizes. Every time I say the Pledge I think of those who fought, and fight, for our freedoms. Yes, your great-grandfather in WWI, your grandfather, your uncle and possibly you as you consider a military academy appointment in lieu of traditional college. The Flag reminds me of all of those who have sacrificed. No matter where or when. No matter my personal thoughts about the war they have fought in or may fight in. They are sacrificing for me and us. The Flag stands for those that have fallen and I respect that and appreciate it. They believed in our country and freedoms enough to join the military and serve; how can I not support them as they made the ultimate sacrifice?

The Flag reminds me that we have others serving us in different ways. Some with grace and some, maybe not so much. But they are still serving and have a belief in their service that I need to respect. Yes, I am talking about people involved in politics. Obviously I don't agree with all politicians but I respect their involvement and willingness to get involved. It is a tremendous sacrifice as a profession. And these days, if you just relied on political pundits and tv ads it is pretty ugly. But I like to educate myself, look at the greater good and the system in place to allow people to participate in the process. And to me, the Flag stands for all of this.

And finally I honor the Flag because it stands for freedom and a safe haven. I had the best reminder of that the other day while having a bagel with your grandmother. At the table next to us was a gentleman who sat alone but was very friendly and greeted people as they walked by him. He held the door open for us as he wished us both a good day. As he did that I saw the numbers on his arm and thought about how much that man has seen and overcome. The horrors he saw and hopefully the good in people that he experienced. Now I know that our country has issues and truly, not all are treated equally. Sadly the founding fathers never said treated equally in their writings, they said created equally. And yes, we have a long way to go on the treatment of all peoples as equals but we live in a society that is always willing to change and address shortcomings. It takes time but I am optimistic that the right thing always happens. So how can I not honor a Flag that represents so much hope for those who don't experience it here or in many cases, in their native countries?

As for the Pledge of Allegiance I am proud to say it. Yes, I believe in God but I have to say that I have had periods in my life where I didn't believe in God. God as a concept was only recently added to the Pledge, during and after a time of horror in the world. I say the full Pledge because it best embodies for me the meaning of the Flag, our United States and my sense of patriotism. And in times where my belief in God wavered it never dawned on me not to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Because for me, saying the Pledge showed respect to those who believe in God and a persons right not to believe in God. So I say the full Pledge, it is a way of acknowledging my fellow Americans and our differences - whether we share a belief in God or not.

A, this is why I say the Pledge and honor our Flag. It isn't a quick answer nor uncomplicated but these are things I deeply believe in. I hope that those who don't believe respect my choices and won't ask me not to say the Pledge or honor our Flag because I have a right to those freedoms as much as they have a right not to participate in them.

If you end up serving our country I hope you remember this and the millions of people who believe in the Flag and recite the Pledge. I hope you think about your grandfather and his optimism, his belief in our country. If you are out of our country and see the Flag I hope it represents all of the wonderful things about our country and gives you a sense of patriotism in the face of confusing and difficult times in the world. A sense of purpose and right, a sense of humanity and the greater good. Thanks for asking me the question and reminding me of all of the things I wrote about.

With much love, Aunt A.